Kalmia
by What the Badger
Summary: "It would have been nice to know you."


**Kalmia**

He thought Morgana was evil.

He thought that if he hadn't of stopped her, she would have destroyed all of what she cherished. That she would murder sweet Gwen (_**saving Camelot**_) and arrogant Arthur (_**tearing it back down to pieces**_), to free herself from having to feel. And as it was, will still be. Only now, she is more malicious, more pained, more _hurt_, that it was the one with whom she was most akin to (_**of whose own soul's innocence she had destroyed**_), was the one to tear her soul to shreds. And what tore him up more than anything else was that he had never actually known what would have happened.

Poisoning her hadn't killed her. It had blackened her, until she was covered in the ash of his betrayal, shrouding every crevice of her being, until it had driven her to madness. Madness, which alone, would bring down what would have been the greatest civilization the world would have ever known (_**the one that would have changed the world**_). The history books will place the blame on her shoulders, not even thinking to mention the catalyst of her insanity. It would cast her as the evil seductress, who had always lived in the shadows, had never known goodness, not as the tragic victim of fate's devices. Her goodness will be cast out in favor of her hate.

His ache for forgiveness, mixed with his naivety, made him susceptible to her power, (_**his second of many mistakes that will revolve around her**_).

He fought against the enchantments holding him to the tree, but couldn't summon the strength it would take to fight them off. He hadn't had a decent night sleep since he saved Camelot (_**murdered her**_). Weary, he glanced to the edge of the forest, where she stood, watching as he struggled against her magic, (_**against her**_) her hands closed in front of the white dress she wore, contrasting with the colours surrounding her (_**and mocking the innocence and mortality neither had**_), her face displaying a small smile, as if he hadn't betrayed her, and was just visiting her. She still had the same cruel beauty, though her eyes lacked the warmth it used to have. She walked towards him until she was less than a foot away.

"Now, Merlin, what are you doing in these woods by yourself? Shouldn't you be scampering after Arthur, I hear that a witch is out to get him." She laughs quietly as she spins around to observe him. He has lost some weight making his already thin body more fragile looking (_**better hiding the power beneath**_). His whole appearance screamed fatigue, from the shadows underlying his eyes, to the rumpled legs of his pants.

This wasn't the great Merlin, right-hand man of the great King Arthur, and most powerful sorcerer of all time. This was Merlin, servant to all, yet thanked by none. She would have felt for him before.

"Merlin, Merlin, Merlin, what will we do with you? You protect a king that kills for the blame of his own mistake, all the while letting Arthur be groomed to hate as the king. One would think you wanted to be killed."

"Arthur will be a great king." Merlin blurts out, unable to hold back any longer. "He will bring magic back to the land, with my guidance."

He expected her to get angry, but she just laughs again.

"Merlin, you forgot who you're arguing with. I know all that is to come. And though some things could be subject to change, the end result will always be the same. Arthur will be a good king, maybe even great, but magic will never return to the land. Before long, a boy-king will kill Arthur, and Arthur will kill him, ruining any hope for magic to return. Gwen would have long fled her post of queen out of shame for her adultery, and the kingdom will fall to chaos. And we both will watch as we live forever, you with the shame on your shoulders, and me with the emptiness that I can't escape. "

She smirks as she sees Merlin's eyes widen, her own eyes showing what he thinks is the barest hint of pain, but it is gone before he could be sure.

"I'm just helping speed up the process. It's not like I have anything to loose."

She leans closer to Merlin turning to his ear. "And it is all thanks to you murdering me."

She leans back to stare it to his tear filled eyes.

"If you hadn't of murdered me, we would have been ruling gods, loved by our subjects. Arthur never wanted to be king, Merlin, no matter how much Uther wanted him to be. He loved action and adventure, too much to give it all up. He would have passed the crown to me, his dear sister, who would have joined Albion together in an era of prosperity, alongside her husband and children. He and Gwen would have lived happily without the interference of her would-be lover, who I would have made earl of a far off place, knowing what he would become. If only the dragon had told you everything. You and Arthur may be opposite sides of a coin, but I am the other half of your soul."

She cups Merlin's face and kisses him, her lips cool on his burning ones, letting her magic and memories flow to him, showing him the truth in her words.

As she pulls away she drags her fingernails across his cheek, before having her hand settle next to her.

"I would have loved you until never, and we would have been happy."

"It is a pity," She says as she steps back, her cold smile back in place. "It would have been a pleasure to love you." She turns on her heel and walks back into the shadows, disappearing as if she hadn't even been there, her enchantments loosing their grasp.

He slides down the trunk of the tree, holding in the pain of what could have been, what should've been.

The only indication that she had even been there were three deep scratches on Merlin's cheeks.

* * *

I wrote this at 4 in the morning after watching the kick-ass season 3 trailer of Merlin (evil Morgana will pwn all!) so sorry if this is a bit wonky and doesn't make much sense. Feel free to comment if you want to, I'm still not going to force you.


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